Welcome to my life

elliis0816 @ 2009-12-01T20:18:00

2009-12-01T20:18:47Z

ERGHHH.
ate 500kcal worth of disgusting food,
i then purged until nothing more could come out at all,
then passed out
good you deserve it fatarse

working out more

1st December 2009

2009-12-01T19:31:45Z

down 1lb this morning, good.

had to come of the fast today, only going to consume liquids.

feeling fat,

quadrupled the workout.

30th November 2009

2009-11-30T20:59:54Z

Fasted today, good :)

Doubled my workout, even better :) :)

I feel worthy today.

Hope i loose tomorrow.

elliis0816 @ 2009-11-29T22:07:00

2009-11-29T22:07:19Z

just had the most fantastic workout :)

get rid of this dinner.

fatarse.

29th November 2009

2009-11-29T17:28:04Z

Fasted yesterday, success.

Today has not been to bad, i've mannaged on tea and coffee.
Right now got a decaff coffee.

Bad news, i have to sit and eat at the family meal tonight, its a roast chicken, i'm eating 200kcal of chicken at the most, family meals are so akward, it feels like all eyes are on what your eating.

"people don't see me, no one sees me"

Pounds To Loose By 30/05

2009-06-15T05:56:49Z

10
9
8.5
8
7
6
5
4
3
2
1
0

Day Three of ABC

2009-04-30T16:25:34Z

Intake of 300kcal
Daily exercise done :)

and scales still brokennn!!

will be absent till monday,
calorie limits will be;
friday: 400kcal
saturday: 100kcal
sunday: 200kcal

xxxx

Day Two of ABC

2009-04-29T16:58:23Z

500kcal limit- intake of 478kcal.
daily exercsie done :)

scales are broken which really sucks,
going on a battery hunt now

Day One Of ABC

2009-04-28T20:29:03Z

500kcal limit- intake of just under that,
daily exercise done.

i managed to skip dinner so mostly liquid and salad intake :)

weigh in tomorrow:
pounds to loose: 10

Today

2009-04-13T15:35:00Z

i did an amazing workout at the gym,
burnt 800kcal then walked home.

Food intake of 250kcal.

In bed again, watching more my family.
I'm in a really good mood today :D

Thinking...

2009-04-12T20:43:48Z

I need to start writing more down, so basically here i am right now, turning my journal into a diary type thing.
I'm lying on my bed watching "my family", its easter sunday and 9:30pm,
today i've managed to do really well considering it is easter which consists of a huge family meal,
i've eaten one meal consisting of 700kcal.

Okay that is a lot.
Damm.
I'm such a fat arse.

To do list:

choreograph three dances
start the slow discrete disposal of easter eggs
start the fake tan process
gym everyday for the rest of the holiday

Lent

2009-02-25T07:14:41Z

Lent today,
I'm giving up whatever food is put in front of me

Fasting and pain...

2009-02-22T16:09:52Z

My stomach seems to be easing up after 22hours of fasting,
keeping it empty of all food seems to be the only way to stop the chronic pain.

I'm finally starting to feel better, i can't believe it.

<3
xxx

elliis0816 @ 2009-01-12T19:48:00

2009-01-12T19:49:11Z

Food wise: 500kcal
Exercise wise: 300kcal workout, 200 situps

Exercise

2009-01-10T17:30:56Z

Today's exercise:

300kcal burn off
200 sit ups

will do more
:)

elliis0816 @ 2009-01-08T22:05:00

2009-01-08T22:06:28Z

I kind of feel like i'm posting to myself,
had an awful day,
i'm so insecure i sometimes wish people could see through my confident outter and reassure me,
i want someone to understand and be there for me.

But as it is i've got to keep my secret life to myself, the pain i'm in, the way i want to break down in tears, the way i'm always so cold.

Today was just horrible, i''ve cried so much, i've been so cold all day its made me physically cry, i'm getting ill again, my hairs falling out more than ever, i know i need to take vitamins and my iron capsules (i'm anaemic) but i'm worried about the calories, how stupid am i, i can't even take some pills.

In class the teacher mentioned the government recommendation was 1 hour exercise three times a week, she asked how much we did and i lied through my teeth, i was worried how people would react when i tell them my daily exercise rituals which exceed an hour everyday, but now it seems stupid, no one cares how much i work.

Only managed to work off 400kcal today, failure.
Was forced to eat a lot, 500kcal easily, i want to scream, cry more and make myself sick.

I've really hurt my knee again, every part of me is weak, fat and pathetic, i've been told to stop exercising totally by the doctor, minimum walking, i can't stop now, this is everything that makes me up as a person, this is me, the constant calorie counting the obsessive exercising, without this i'm lost, i don't know who i am anymore.

My head is throbbing, my eyes are swollen making even my face resemble an huge pig.

I'm so sorry for this post, people here are worse off than me and i'm too self centered to think of them, i just needed to write this down, hope i wake up to some posts, i'd love to hear from you girls, sorry i couldn't do a positive post and thank you so much if you read this, it means a lot.

xxx

elliis0816 @ 2009-01-07T18:32:00

2009-01-07T18:34:03Z

Food Intake:810kcal

Exercise burnt: 620kcal 50 mins cardio, workout for rest.

High calorie but hopefully burn off more
:)

plus 200 sit-ups

More Exercise for today :)

2009-01-06T21:58:09Z

Pushing to the limits, this makes me feel good, i feel like i've achieved something.
Exercise: 150kcal + 100 sit ups.

778kcal burnt!

Another Great Day!

2009-01-06T18:14:34Z

Food intake: 300 kcal
Exercise: walking 1 hour and cardio 30 minutes = 628 kcal burnt
:)

i love my workout dvd so much,
Weigh day tomorrow, fingers crossed.

Good Day

2009-01-05T20:31:09Z

Food intake: 500kcal
Workout: 60 minutes cardio- 400kcal burnt

:D:D

Hopefully i can keep the high workout up
:)

xxx

30th December 2008

2008-12-30T15:31:06Z

Food Intake: 300kcal :(

Exercise: 30mins workout

i will do better.

Thin by Grace Bowman

2008-12-29T15:51:55Z

This was one of the books given to me when i went into recovery the first time, being eight years old i was too young to truly appreciate it.
I'm now re reading it.

Food intake: 100kcal

Exercise: 30min cardio

Beautiful

2008-12-29T11:27:13Z

one day i will be beautiful.

setting a new goal...

2008-12-29T11:22:24Z

of loosing a stone ASAP
:)

~~14 13~~ 12 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 0

Overdose

2008-12-28T16:40:14Z

Hey there,
Wow, its been a while and a lot of crap has gone on,

i won't bore you with all the details but basically i took an overdose, ended up in hospital so that explains my not posting!

About the overdose, i don't know why i did it, the 16th of december i was kind of "happy",
then after that i was seriously depressed, and with me once i'm depressed, i'm seriously depressed.

My parents have been on high alert 24:7 so i felt like i was fighting a loosing battle, i felt huge, i had no scales which made it worse.

Hospital was my worst nightmare, firstly being there bought back so many memories of my childhood which i had repressed,
i kept waking up having nightmares and the way the nurses looked at me it was almost like pure hatred :/

I came out christmas eve, been set up for councelling (again!) and on "suicide watch" whatever that means.
My mum said she doesn't want me on antidepressents; and due to my eating history i didn't think i would be allowed them.

Christmas as a whole sucked less, i actually enjoyed myself, i ate what i was given- everything, they way my family looked at me, they looked sort of proud. Everyone was happy and it made me feel good, like i was safe and this food wouldn't make me fat, although i could still hear the voice in the back of my head.

I finally managed to weigh myself yesterday and i've lost 1lb,
which since i've been basically bedridden with 3 meals a day and a snack shoved down my throat i'm shocked about :)